Tuesday, 25 August 2009

A Very Old Couple

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food restaurant.
He noticed that they ordered only one meal and an extra drinkcup.

As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife.
The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth."

Difference between appraisal and resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Microsoft VS Tomatoes !!!!!!!!!!!!

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a

"You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you
the application to fill in, as well as the date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, nor an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means
you do not exist.

And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10
in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door-to-door round.
In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go
everyday earlier, and Return late.
Thus, his Money doubled or Tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of
delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US ...
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life
insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When
the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email.

The man replied, "I don't have an email."

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have
succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if
you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at

Moral of the story

1. Internet / email is not the solution to your life.
2. If you don't have Internet/email and work hard, you can be a
3. You are probably already an
Office boy/girl, and not any close to being a millionaire...

Babies delivery - Corporate World

Babies delivery and Corporate World

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly...

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby